By Mary Gorry 
Riverhead — The blanket on the floor of the classroom representing the “marriage bed” was crowded with students in one of the religion classes at McGann-Mercy High School here Feb. 14. Except for the “married couple,” each student represented part of a web of past sexual experiences. The demonstration on the physical and emotional baggage brought into a marriage by premarital sex was part of the two-week L.I. Teen Freedom program.
L.I. Teen Freedom is a federally-funded program run by the Life Center that teaches young people about abstinence, relationship building, and the skills they need to do both. McGann-Mercy is the first Catholic high school on Long Island to host the program, where male and female team leaders have been talking with the ninth- and tenth-graders for two weeks during their religion classes.
After having all the kids clear off the blanket except for the “married couple,” Tom Smith, coordinator of the diocesan youth ministry and one of the team leaders, asked the students which bed was more appealing. When they agreed it was the bed with two people, he asked why.
“It’s more personal,” said one male student.
“They’re with only each other, not with everyone else,” added a female classmate.
“We bring our past into our future relationships,” explained Smith.
“I was a little skeptical of the program at first,” noted school chaplain Father Michael Rieder, “because of the idea of outsiders coming in and broaching the subject of abstinence. It could turn the students off immediately. But the fact that they’re here for two weeks, that you have the same team in your class every day, every day they’re building credibility and relationship.”
“We look at it as a three-pronged approached,” said Luciana Reali, the assistant director of L.I. Teen Freedom. “The why: why be abstinent; the how: which are the tools for being abstinent; and the support. We try to get to know people in the community like Father Mike and the teachers. We try to get everyone on board so that the kids will make the commitment but also have the support to live it out.”
In one of Thursday’s classes, team leaders Reali and Smith discussed the physical and emotional consequences of casual premarital sex with their class — how drugs and alcohol can lead to high-risk behavior, how condoms or engaging in sexual activity without intercourse can still lead to STDs and pregnancy, and why having sex while engaged is still premarital sex.
Cheryl MacDougall, a religion teacher at McGann-Mercy, noted that the program “shows that teens have choices out there. The way the media portrays sex and sexuality or what they hear from their friends is not the only way. I know that that is a surprise to some of these kids, that you can actually choose, that you’re not just driven by your hormones or desires or peer pressure.”
She added that having teams of young men and women from L.I. Teen Freedom sharing their own choices to be abstinent shows the students that “there are people that are doing this. There are nice, attractive men and women who are doing this.”
“We’re also very honest with them about how hard it can be,” noted Nolan Reynolds, a team leader as well as director of youth ministry at Our Lady of Mercy Church in Hicksville. “We don’t present it as a cakewalk. We challenge them. For too many years, teenagers have been told they’re reckless, they’re going to do whatever they want, and they deserve better than that.”
“We always frame (being abstinent) in terms of making decisions with the future in mind,” explained Reali. “We keep telling them that being abstinent will help them to achieve their goals for the future, such as career goals and marriage,” helping the teens to set goals for themselves and discussing what steps they will need to take to reach them.
The teams are always male and female because that way the teens “have a male and female role model who are living the message,” said Reali. “We’re also modeling a healthy male-female friendship. A lot of times they think if you’re male and female you must have a romantic relationship. We’re showing them how men and women should interact with each other, working and respecting each other and helping each other.”
“It’s always positive, we don’t try to scare the kids,” she noted. “We give them the information and the reality, but we always end on a positive note. We always bring in an Etch-a-Sketch, and we talk about the idea of new beginnings. Like on an Etch-a-Sketch, you can draw on it and erase it, meaning that everyone gets second chances. We don’t want to make them feel guilty. We want them to see that they can turn their lives around and make better choices for the future.”
© Copyright 2008 The Long Island Catholic
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